With her life crashing down around her, a woman attempts to navigate her child’s mysterious illness, her absent husband, a missing person, and an increasingly hostile relationship with her therapist. A film by Mary Bronstein, starring Rose Byrne, Conan O’Brien, Danielle Macdonald, Delaney Quinn, Lark White, Ivy Wolk, Daniel Zolghadri, Christian Slater, and A$AP Rocky.

Linda (Rose Byrne) discusses her daughter’s treatment with Dr. Spring. Her daughter (Delaney Quinn) refuses to eat and must be fed through a PEG tube due to a mysterious illness. The situation becomes increasingly stressful for Linda as she sees no improvement. She argues with the doctor that they seem to have different goals: Dr. Spring wants her daughter to get better before removing the tube, while Linda believes the tube needs to be removed first so her daughter can get better.

A PEG tube, or percutaneous endoscopic gastrostomy tube, is a soft plastic feeding tube inserted through the abdominal wall directly into the stomach to deliver liquid nutrition, fluids, and medications when a person cannot eat or swallow safely.The tube is placed during a short endoscopic procedure, typically lasting 20-30 minutes, where an endoscope guides the tube from the mouth through the stomach wall and out a small abdominal incision. A balloon or disc inside the stomach and another outside secure it in place, and antibiotics reduce infection risk.

Back at the apartment, Linda checks on her daughter in the bathroom after hearing complaints about water on the floor. She discovers the bathroom is flooded and follows the leak to the master bedroom, where she finds the floor completely submerged. Above, crack lines snake across the ceiling, water steadily dripping through. As she calls her husband Charles (Christian Slater), who’s away on a work trip, the ceiling suddenly bursts open. A torrent of water cascades into the bedroom like a waterfall. Shocked and panicked, Linda bolts from the room. The flooding forces her and her daughter to relocate to a nearby motel while repairs are made.

At the hotel reception, Linda overhears staff member Diana (Ivy Wolk) and superintendent James discussing Holotropic Breathwork. Intrigued, she asks James if the brain-dead thing is real. He jokingly replies that everything could be real, but anything could be bullshit too.

Holotropic Breathwork is a therapeutic breathing practice developed by psychiatrist Stanislav Grof that uses accelerated, rhythmic breathing combined with evocative music to induce altered states of consciousness for emotional healing and self-exploration. Participants lie down with eyes closed, breathe deeply and rapidly without pauses between inhales and exhales and respond naturally with movements or sounds while music guides the experience. Sessions occur in group settings under trained facilitators to activate the psyche’s inner healing intelligence, accessing subconscious material like repressed emotions or memories. Holotropic Breathwork carries intensity risks like hyperventilation effects, so it’s not recommended alone or for those with certain health conditions; professional guidance is essential.

At the children’s hospital, Dr. Spring (Mary Bronstein) confronts Linda about missing several weeks of family sessions. Linda argues that she already explained how their ceiling collapsed, creating chaos, and that they’re now living in a motel. Dr. Spring insists she schedule an appointment as soon as possible to discuss her daughter’s treatment progress. She also warns that if Linda’s daughter reaches her weight goal by next week, she’ll be considered for tube removal. If not, they’ll need to reassess her level of care.

Overwhelmed by the weight of motherhood, juggling her work, her daughter’s mysterious illness, and apartment repairs her husband has left to her, Linda feels crushed. Rather than offering support from afar, he criticizes every decision she makes. Desperate, Linda seeks help from a colleague therapist (Conan O’Brien). However, he suspects she has an ulterior motive to cross professional boundaries and believes she’s fabricating her stories and dreams to get close to him.

At work, Linda is responsible for three patients: Caroline (Danielle Macdonald), a mother who struggles with her newborn son, claiming that she believes something bad will happen to her baby; Stephen (Daniel Zolghadri), a troubled young man who is sexually obsessive toward her; and Kate (Ella Beatty), a Gen Z teen who overshares about her social life.

Frustrated and angry at her husband, Linda returns to the apartment to smoke a joint and watch a movie. A loud thud followed by shattering glass startles her. She investigates the bedroom and finds a broken mirror with its shattered pieces mysteriously stacked on the floor. Then she notices tiny twinkling lights floating in the air like fireflies, which she initially believes may be the spirit of her late mother. Suddenly, a ray of light shines through the hole in the ceiling before abruptly going dark. Black and white liquid begins dripping from the hole.

Unable to find a parking spot, Linda asks her daughter to walk into the building alone, but her daughter insists she needs her mother to accompany her like the other kids. Eventually, Linda resorts to bribery, promising her daughter a hamster if she’ll walk in with another parent, Eva (Helen Hong). Later, the hamster escapes its container and darts across the street. Linda and her daughter watch in horror as a car runs it over.

After putting her daughter to sleep, Linda receives a call from her patient Caroline Primm. Assuming it’s an emergency since she only gives her number to patients for urgent situations, Linda steps outside the motel room to take the call. It turns out Caroline simply wants to report that she followed Linda’s advice but forgot to call her earlier.

🅟

@pradt

IF I HAD LEGS I’D KICK YOU 🌀
Everything is under control.
—
A film by Mary Bronstein, starring Rose Byrne, Conan O’Brien, Danielle Macdonald, Delaney Quinn, Lark White, Ivy Wolk, Daniel Zolghadri, Christian Slater, and A$AP Rocky.

When Linda tries to return to her room, she realizes she’s locked out without her key card. James (A$AP Rocky) invites her to join him while he surfs the dark web to buy drugs. Linda soon realizes he only invited her because he doesn’t have enough money himself. When she suggests using her credit card, James insists the purchase must be anonymous and untraceable.

The next day, Caroline brings her baby to an extra session with Linda. Noticing Caroline’s visible frustration and distress, Linda suggests consulting someone about medication. This only agitates Caroline further, convincing her that Linda is trying to harm her breastfed baby. After Caroline excuses herself to use the bathroom, Linda momentarily dozes off from exhaustion. She jolts awake to the sound of the baby crying. Unable to calm the infant, she carries the baby basket toward the bathroom to find Caroline, only to discover she’s already gone.

Written and directed by American filmmaker Mary Bronstein, IF I HAD LEGS I’D KICK YOU is a psychological drama film following Linda, a therapist who finds herself spiraling into madness when facing immense stress from the huge responsibility of juggling her work and taking care of her daughter, who is suffering from a mysterious eating disorder that requires her to be fed through a PEG tube while her husband is away on a work trip.

After their bedroom ceiling suddenly collapses and floods the entire apartment, forcing her and her daughter to stay at a hotel, she eventually returns to the apartment and begins experiencing something hauntingly strange, though she’s not sure if it’s real or just a hallucination stemming from her repressed memory.

Rose Byrne delivers a stellar performance with captivating emotional range, but the screenplay struggles to sustain momentum and build tension. While the protagonist’s stressful circumstances are understandable, her character feels overly defensive and overprotective. Outside her office, she transforms into someone entirely different, becoming rude and dismissive toward those around her, which makes it difficult to connect with her emotionally.

IF I HAD LEGS I’D KICK YOU premiered at Sundance Film Festival on 24 January 2025. The film was theatrically released in the United States on 10 October, by A24.